Wednesday, 4 September 2013

Every day with Jesus - saying the Jesus prayer daily 1

This is the first of a daily report of my attempts at the Jesus Prayer. I have been praying it on and off for years but this time I want to continue over a longer period of time and record some of my thoughts. This first blog dates yesterday, 3rd September:

Said the Jesus Prayer slowly, trying to focus on the words and avoid straying away from them. Maybe the struggle I have relates to above and the need my mind has to pass on to something else more interesting and more important? Half way through I slowed down a little more and tried to emphasize the words in a more meaningful way, focusing my attention on the One I was addressing. It was at that stage that I felt a little emotion and a bit more 'connected'. What does that mean? That I was more aware of Jesus as I became more focused? Did I pass from meaningless repetition to something more like prayer (see Matthew 6)? Was I getting it right? Or was it purely emotion?

I finished the prayer in 15 minutes - that is 100 repetitions or once round my chotki. I did say “glory be to the Father” on the first bead but decided to just plow through and get into some rhythm after the first time.

At the end there was some moisture in the corner of my eyes - I do get a little tearful sometimes when I say and connect with the words. I had no sense of having accomplished anything or a that anything was achieved. I suppose I am glad that I was able to speak to Jesus directly and at least make an effort to connect with him directly. Other than that nothing really. But what was I to expect? What should I expect? Like any discipline - e.g. playing the piano - it will show over time if i keep at it. The point is to keep going and not give up. Didn't Jesus say something along those lines about pra (Luke 18:1-8)?

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